Editing Samples

Dangling or Misplaced Modifiers from an Education Report

Original: However, in contrast to the international interest, little is known about burgeoning educational changes going on in this part of the world.

Edited: Despite widespread international interest, little is known about the burgeoning educational practices taking place in this part of the world.

Subject-Verb Agreement and Listing Multiple Subjects in a Sentence from a Medical Research Journal

Original: Bramen et al. (2011) shows differences in the maturation of hippocampus, amygdala and cortical gray matter between girls and boys.

Edited: Bramen et al. (2011) have found differences in the maturation of the hippocampus, the amygdala, and the cortical gray matter between girls and boys.

Run-On, Cluttered Sentences from a Sociological Study

Original: Based on the Carpiano model (6.7) and according to the previous study (21), the members of the Zero-ji Club, staff members of the Nagahama City Health Promotion section, and the researchers  adopted six items as indicators for supportive environment (social support, neighborhood connectedness, social control, neighborhood trust, general trust, attachment to place).

Edited: The members of the Zero-ji Club, the staff members of the Nagama City Health Promotion section, and the project researchers all adopted methods based on the Carpiano model (6.7) and those used in previous studies (21). Six items were selected as indicators for what they considered a supportive environment: social support, neighborhood connectedness, social control, neighborhood trust, general trust, and attachment to place.